Skip to main content

Sometimes I Fall


KrsnaGuru teaches me to live in Faith.

These blogs are of my personal journey and while I may often express a bright and cheery picture, there are those times when there is no light and I cannot find my way.

My challenge on this path is to have Faith. And knowing this, His Maya stands ready to test me. For me, it can occur at a time when I feel there has been growth, then—BOOM! Just like that She rocks me.

Just recently, She sent me spinning. Riding high the thought, “This is under control,” rose up. It all felt comfortable, and then in an instant, it all seemed to fall apart. The weight of my emotions seemed oppressive and any sense of clarity went away. Just that quickly it felt like everything had changed.

For a couple of weeks, the energy and flow that I identify as my heart chakra had been waning and I began to entertain the idea that maybe my kundalini died, lol. This was not alarming in any way and I simply continued my practice.

All was moving along fine. Guruji was going to be traveling, so I would not be having any one-on-one Satsangs for a few weeks, and while this would have previously sent me in a tizzy all was going well. “Good, there has been growth,” I thought.

Oddly (to me) the feeling of being separated along with the oppressive emotions did not come until after my Guruji returned to KrsnAshram. Which to me is crazy, since I live in the USA, and whether Guruji is traveling or at the ashram, it is the same for me since I am not in physical contact with him either way.

So do you get this? He was away and I was fine, he returned and I fell apart. Despite trying to express my experience to Guruji, I did not think He understood the gravity of my experience nor did I find comfort in His words. In fact, when he conducted the on-line group Satang His words felt harsh and the depth of me ached. After group Satsang, I cried myself to sleep. In the early morning, I lit the candle and sat before my prayer stand.

To express my experience let me offer the following words:
I felt that the painful emotions and my doubt had struck my very core and brought me to a spiritual precipice. I called out to Guruji for help and it was as if the air from His words, like wind, swirled around and pushed me off.

As I was falling, there were many branches extending outward. Branches of Tantra, Hatha, and Advaita, but they did not belong to me. So I continued to fall, calling out again and again and still no help arrived. As I plummeted, many pains and sorrows wept out from me. When I had nothing left and nowhere to land He held me.

An individual’s test can come up when one is soaring high or plummeting down, just have Faith. God Bless!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A Karmically Slow Start

So, here it goes... Let me first state that I am a neophyte in this spiritual world and it is only with my KrsnaGuru's grace that I am writing. Despite having been baptized as an infant and later given communion and confirmation as a child within the Catholic Church, I was quite unaware of God.  But when I was 9 years old, my father passed away from acute leukemia.  Within six months of his diagnosis, he was gone. His brothers, my uncles told me that God wanted my father to be with him at his right side. This was my first awareness of God. This God I felt did not care about me. This God took my father from me.  I did not care to know this merciless God. Later, as a young person, I was fully immersed in the temperament of the time. The 1970's, in my area of America, brought a wave of self-centerness in adult parents fueled by a cultural acceptance of alcohol use that left a generation of adolescents unattended and witho
7 comments
Read more

Spiritual Communion

Thank you KrsnaKnows for the impetus to write this blog and for the all the blessings you have bestowed on me. Rising Sun Throughout the year (2016) I had many moments where I believed that God was moving me and prompting me to act. The fact that I thought it was God communicating with me was a foreign idea. God could not have picked a less “God involved” person than myself, with whom to communicate. Yet, on several occasions in 2016, I said to my husband, “I think God is speaking to me.” Having taken up oil painting a few years prior, I was attending a training workshop in a neighboring state.   On the drive down to Maryland, I gave some thought to the feeling I had that God was drawing me nearer to Him.   I considered the possibility that I may be dying and that was the cause of God’s growing presence in my life.   So, I reviewed my life and decided if indeed it were time for me to leave this life that would be fine.   I pronounced my life had been a good life
4 comments
Read more

Faith Born of Inquiry

KrsnaGuruji bestows Knowledge, not opinion nor advice. There are many paths open to those seeking the Truth. One may say, “There is no God,” or “Yes, there is a God.” Either of these statements should involve some investigation. My Faith is not a blind faith. Blind faith requires no study, no research, no reflection, nor inquiry. For me, the lessons of my KrsnaGuru have directed my Spiritual journey. His satsangs and expositions are an indispensable source of knowledge. Ruminating on His teachings long past the  initial lessons, helps me to apply them to my daily life. As I continue to read, listen and learn more, many questions arise. These questions are of an esoteric nature and are far removed from the mundane world. Accordingly, only a Spiritual Master can answer them. My KrsnaGuru graciously answers all my questions and without Him, the True Knowledge would elude me. Much of my education in Spiritual has been centered on the Hindu pantheon. Guruji is in India, and when
Post a Comment
Read more