My Spiritual Journey

Leaving home we travel and we take a body once again. This is His caper which we enact; we are His troupe of thespians. The play is not without its framework. It is filled with spectacle and drama, comedy and tragedy. Nothing is beyond His ken! The game is afoot, this life is looming, and it all seems so real. So we traverse this existence in joy and pain of loss and gain. Each born in a province of his making, covered in our ignorance to what we truly are, not knowing we are His. We are moved by the impulsion of Time to find Truth, although we do not know what that Truth might be. It is just that the heart feels life is lacking. There is a void, an emptiness that the mundane can not relieve. Friends and family cannot assuage the profound compulsion to seek. So we accelerate in whatever direction we think will fill us. We gather people, status and things but what we need is to be empty. Empty of desire, empty of passion, empty of lust, greed and

KrsnaGuru teaches we are always Free. Much of my blog writings are directly from the lessons learned from my dear Guruji. The lessons are the ideal. The daily living of the lessons is not so clear and distinct. There is a vast difference between knowledge and experience. Reading, listening and even writing are knowledge-based. The “living” and “experiencing” of that knowledge is much more difficult. Can the lessons of my Guru be remembered in every moment? Can His lessons flow in my daily life?. Of course, my Dear Guruji would say that one needs to put forth Self-efforts, Faith, and Patience. Still, my path seems stagnated and I continue to wonder what is missing from my practice. Blessedly, today by His Grace an answer was given to me. The lack of flow is due to my narrow mind. On a long drive with my husband, I started to speak my conviction of God. It was in the telling that I heard the message. By holding on to my material life, I have kept myself in the narrow framework

KrsnaKnows teaches that thoughts, especially negative thoughts are the demons that move us away from our path. First, here is my understanding of Guruji’s lesson: There are so many thoughts, relentlessly passing through the mind. It takes practice to keep them in check. How does one practice being the controller of thoughts? Well, first one needs to pay attention to the action. Thoughts are so much a part of our existence and personality that we do not even notice them. The mind will create one thought and then lead us around until we have enough thoughts gathered to create a small story. And what is even worse is the story is not at all true, it only exists in the mind. Of course, we could actually use our thoughts in a constructive manner, but clearly those occasions are rare, particularly when one considers how many thoughts pass in the mind every minute, hour, day, week, year or lifetime. Once a thought is noticed, then one can choose to let that demon grow to huge heigh

KrsnaKnows teaches that when you come to God or Guru with only Love and Devotion, you are irresistible to Him. Some people seek God because they want something. They have a need or wish to be fulfilled, so they pray to God and state their requests or come in person to the Guru. The benevolent Divine gives whatever one asks. He may not give it at that very moment, but somewhere in time, it has been sanctioned for that one. It’s hard to imagine that asking God or Guru, for what you think you need or know you want, could cause any issues. But if you have an understanding of karma, then you know there are three types, Sanchita, Prarabdha, and Kriyamana or Agami. By asking for something in this life, you can be adding to a treasury of karma that can influence the difficulties you may suffer in many lifetimes to come and can even keep you from obtaining liberation. If you read the ancient stories in holy books, people always asked and were given and it usually ended with them gaini

Krsnaji teaches that one does not have to go very far to find God. The Divinity is within each of us. As seekers of Truth , we search for God outwardly far and near. Where is God to be found? One may go to church, or a temple or a park to find God, but is God there? If you were to listen to my Guruji’s satsangs online , surely you will hear a consistent mantra. Over and over, time and time again, Guruji tells us that God is within us. “God is within!” Everything that you think is God and everything that you think God is, dwells within each of us. We are unable to know God within because we are veiled by our mind and intellect and have been wrongly thinking we are just this human body. Even though I know these words, I have yet to live each day fully in that knowledge. So I ask, “What is the reason that this knowledge has not permeated the veil?” The answer is Shraddha and Suburi (Faith and Patience) . The answer is always Shraddha and Suburi. It’s Faith in my Guruji and hi

KrsnaGuru teaches that spiritual growth will happen according to God’s timetable and not my own. What is the goal of a spiritual aspirant? Guruji teaches that a true spiritual aspirant does not come before God to ask for worldly favors. The true spiritual aspirant may seek God to gain moksha (dissolving into God), others may seek self-realization and liberation from samsara (the cycle of births and deaths). In my journey, I aspire to love God, know God in my heart and serve Him. In The Gospel of Sri Ramakrishna , it is said, “Unless one has learnt to love God, one cannot realize Him.” My dear Guruji teaches the path of love and devotion (bhakti) . Nothing on the path is within my control and therein lies my pain. Much of my life’s pain has come from desire. Recently, I asked Guruji about the desire to know God, “is it still a desire that causes pain?” The answer was yes. “Desire, even toward the divine is still a desire.” In His teachings, KrsnaKnows explains that during the

KrsnaGuru teaches that by following the path of Love and Devotion , and by retaining our small ego, we can cry for God. For me, there is hardly a better expression of my love for the Divine . Sometimes the tears are blissful and sometimes the tears are of my deepest anguish. Separation makes me weep. Yet, seated at His feet I will still weep. The rising morning sun casts the sky in blue, pink and purple. The sky’s reflection on the lake makes me cry. God’s reflection in the world makes me cry. In the temple sanctum, a reclining Vishnu sleeps, when my eyes fall upon His feet my tears begin to fall. It is the tenderness of Divine Love that wells up in my heart and pours out of my body. From top to bottom, left to right, front to back—Love is experienced. With my heart on the Divine, melancholy plagues this body and so does elation. It hurts to feel deeply, but bliss is deep too. Union and separation are both pure Love. I have only to place my thoughts on Him. He’s here—

KrsnaGuruji teaches we appear by design. A dream world of imagination Not my imagination, but His Each atom choreographed Moved according to His law This is His Divine play Appearing in the dream Moved along by Nature We get lost in the mind Never understanding Never questioning—what is real? And when Grace comes Knowledge overwhelms He shares His Love No understanding comes Now the question—what is real? His Grace is the teacher He teaches life’s purpose We learn to perform To serve His dream Perform from the heart, to please Within His Creation He comes to play Comes to keep it upright Comes to lift us, one by one He takes us back home Leaving the unreal behind Enveloped in Love's embrace He gives us new adventures We dive in deeply And appear anew—next dream

KrsnaGuruji bestows Grace and teaches the path of Love and Devotion From childhood, most are taught to gather knowledge, and it is a necessity that we gain some idea about the world in which we live. My mind still prompts me to gather more and more knowledge. But on this spiritual path, there is no way for me to cognize God by book knowledge alone and why should I? Guruji teaches a seemingly simple path of Love and Devotion. Seemingly, because this path still requires self-effort and the guidance of a Spiritual Master. One may say that he does not need such a Master, but know that it is through the Guru that one learns to bow the ego. It is difficult to know God when we ourselves take credit for His work. The Guru is a blessing in one’s life. My own experience under His guidance is that many aspects of my worldly life have become simplified. When my path first opened I did not have much time available for pursuing it. And through what is known to some as Guru’s Grace, things

Krsnaji teaches following a spiritual path can quickly make one a pariah. This is true in my life. Once this spiritual path opened, those around me quickly expressed opposition. Some expressed concern, as it was outside of the norm—some out of concern regarding my mental health, and others expressed opposition because stepping forward on my spiritual journey challenged their idea of who I am. The impetus to expand my knowledge and experience beyond the constraints of any previously held ideas had come. God has blessed me in this lifetime that I might know and understand His infinite Love. From the depths of my being came an unrelenting drive to seek God. My search has consumed the worldly me and appears selfish to family and friends, well, because it is. The inward journey to know oneself in God is a journey traversed by that one. As a child, my mother told me that in life, we are lucky to have one true friend, a friend for whom you would give up your own life. (My mother c

Krsnaji teaches the highest Love. Guruji's lesson was about Love and how it binds one to the world. If your Love is confined to only those few you select or to those few who select you, then Love will limit you. When Love is shared unconditionally with all, then one is free. Can we free ourselves once entangled? Perhaps, but the cost is much pain for those who want to keep Love only to themselves. Love given freely without attachment and received in kind is never entangled and is always free. Is it possible to Love unconditionally without trying to make a quid pro quo transaction of it? Is it possible to Love without using that Love as ransom? Saintly beings like Mother Teresa graced this Earth with their unconditional, nontransactional Love for all. Mother Teresa Loved Jesus Christ and knew him to be present in everyone. Even when her own heart ached with longing for the Lord whom she Loved, she served all. By the words of my Guruji, the highest Love is Viraha Bhakti—Lov

A single word causes tears to start Knows the nature of my heart Takes this ego apart It is the word by which I know you A single word seen in your eyes Knows the Light of the wise Removes all worldly lies It is the word by which I know you A single word catalyst of this quest Knows its home within my chest Where Love is professed It is the word by which I know you A single word fixed upon your feet Knows all beyond the sheath Roars and doesn’t bleat “Truth” is the word by which I know you

Born in light, grown in ignorance Ego has masked the Truth Enslaved by temporary pleasure Running from aversion Suffering is its only fruit Tied to this world, so familiar Whereby you know another And, are known to another by your ego alone Longing for God is obscured Ego drives and steers by fear To dominate and control Layers upon layers, it buries the Soul How can one drop the ego To be nothing and unknown Ego does not want to be examined It does not like awareness Cannot exist in the bareness Of being nothing Bewildered in the vast — Absolute Oh Ego, release this heart Know the One that is all Let the veil of ignorance fall Away, gently flowing down To reveal His Love unbound

No being can grant or take away what has always been Without a beginning and without end. There is no race, no competition, no win and no loss. Reprimands, beatings, praises or embraces The recipient and the donor are one. There is no telling another how to live. Each has their own place — The beggar outside the gate. The prayerful bribing the priest. The priest accepting the bribe. Infinite variations acting upon His will. Are you going to change? Can you change another? Shamed, blamed, commended or recommended There is no race, no competition, no win and no loss. You are as you are And will be as you be In the body.

KrsnaGuruji teaches: the Guru is empowered to decide whom he can shower his grace on. One comes to this life with a lot of unavoidable karma. But what if that karma is such that, no matter what efforts you put forth, there is no getting out of this life? It is just not possible for everyone to be extraordinary, without ordinary beings no one is extraordinary. So what happens to ordinary people who end up on the path? You may say that they must be extraordinary to be on the path, but the term is relative. Among those on the path of spiritual, there certainly seems to be a hierarchy. I am not saying that God cares for any “one” more than another, it seems that since we are here by the merits or demerits of past lives, we are each unique. Our karma has created this destiny, whereby one is moved ahead and another is stymied. So what does that relationship with God look like when you are not the chosen one but are a member of the spiritual masses? Spiritual teachers may be overl

KrsnaGuruji teaches, “The brightest of the beings has the darkest of sides also. He knows how to get out of it soonest.” Lord, I am in need of handholding. You have brought me to a crossroads. I do not know how to proceed. This is how it is right now. I am trying to discern if I am experiencing an issue with an old tendency or am experiencing a spiritual crisis. They look quite similar. At this very time, I do not know how to go beyond my current purview. What is the next step? One turns inward to find the self and practices to become steady in that knowledge, but what then? My life is not yet fully in the spiritual, and still, my life is no longer of the material world alone. (Note: Between the above paragraphs and the ones below, there was a change. At last by His grace and power, the answer was presented. I was listening to a podcast, and by His blessing, I could comprehend what was said.) It's samskara (stored impressions and imprints) that rises up and triggers te

Krsna Guru teaches there is a way to displace worldly desires. In the translation of Srimad Bhagavatam, it is stated, “Sri Krsna, who is the Paramātmā [Supersoul] in everyone’s heart and the benefactor of the truthful devotee, cleanses desire for material enjoyment from the heart of the devotee who has developed the urge to hear His messages, which are in themselves virtuous when properly heard and chanted.” (Canto1,Ch2 v17) It has been taught to me that by hearing, reading or singing the sacred stories found in holy books, one can become free of worldly desire. One must first accept that the text is true, that the reader is sanctioned to recite the text and that the words are meant for you. Guruji says that there are three types of knowledge in the holy books. The first type is the story alone, just as a mythological story and some are happy with that knowledge. The second type of knowledge comes when the listener finds the lessons for living and makes a religion of it. Final

Krsnaji teaches that it is important to be a positive force in this world. We are born into this world with our tendencies and are conditioned from day one—that this is my mother, my father, my sister, my brother. Our attachments grow and continue to the very end. It's through my sister’s hospitalization for a lifelong illness and her subsequent passing that my attachment to her was most apparent. Armed with the belief that God is All that is, I thought that would make the inevitable passing of my sister easier, but that is not how it was. Her expressive smile, strength, and grace, along with our many years of friendship are etched upon my brain. Laura was a brilliant woman of the Kali-yuga, blessed with intelligence and uncommon common sense. She believed in the empowerment of women, and she taught my daughters the same by her example. My sister was the epitome of kindness and generosity. She performed seva to those in need in a very quiet way. It is only by chance that o

Krsnaji’s lessons are to be imbibed, which for me takes time. How does one know they are progressing on the spiritual path? The idea that I want to know tells me something. It is the ego who wants to know. The heart does not care. Faith in my Gurudev is what moves me ahead. His teachings are sometimes subtle and sometimes like a sledgehammer, but it still can take many exposures before their meanings are grasped. As my understanding matures, so my journey unfurls, and when additional understandomg comes, it unfurls even more. It is only with the teachings of my Spiritual Master that any glimpse of truth and understanding appears. It would be nice and magical if understanding came quickly, but His plan is for me to work hard, to examine my “self,” and to perform my own Sadhana. Only with self-effort may I hope to gain a good footing in Spiritual life. Most recently, a great lesson has finally taken hold! Even though Guruji has all along given instruction on this, I now kn

Krsnaji teaches me to do what my heart desires. In life, one sometimes chooses “the path of least resistance.” In fact, it is almost always recommended. I first came across this expression as a teenager and thought it was about working smart, finding the quickest and most unobstructed path to gain an end. It was not until later in my life that my idea of this notion began to change. It happened that, "the path of least resistance" began to look a lot like a path made by a bulldozer or was a path followed out of laziness, or a lack of creativity. One might just take an open path simple because it is open — and may still reach one’s desired end, but at what cost? Determination and single mindedness should not rest in desire alone. There has to be some righteousness in the path. And this is where my understanding of this phrase finally matured. Typically, taking “the path of least resistance” represents taking the easiest way to move forward. However, “the path of lea

Krsnaji teaches that God is always with me. At the point when I could say that my life was fulfilled and that there was nothing more to claim, God unlocked me. The fracturing of my shroud opened me to a path of inquiry. Not long after, and by His grace, my KrsnaGuru appeared. I have entered the Gurukul because He has blessed me so. His is not only a physical place, it is here and everywhere. He exists beyond all worldly constraints. This limited body does not allow me to literally sit at Krsnaji’s feet and receive His daily tutelage. Instead, my frequent queries to Guruji occur in my mind throughout the day. As I reflect on His teachings, His answers come me. When understanding escapes me, there is a volley of text messages or the subject is taken up in our one-on-one —whereby, Guruji relieves me of my confusion. Always the loving Father, He guides me, encourages me and corrects me. The elements of creation which embody this spirit soul, and this very spirit soul itself, are

KrsnaGuruji bestows Knowledge, not opinion nor advice. There are many paths open to those seeking the Truth. One may say, “There is no God,” or “Yes, there is a God.” Either of these statements should involve some investigation. My Faith is not a blind faith. Blind faith requires no study, no research, no reflection, nor inquiry. For me, the lessons of my KrsnaGuru have directed my Spiritual journey. His satsangs and expositions are an indispensable source of knowledge. Ruminating on His teachings long past the  initial lessons, helps me to apply them to my daily life. As I continue to read, listen and learn more, many questions arise. These questions are of an esoteric nature and are far removed from the mundane world. Accordingly, only a Spiritual Master can answer them. My KrsnaGuru graciously answers all my questions and without Him, the True Knowledge would elude me. Much of my education in Spiritual has been centered on the Hindu pantheon. Guruji is in India, and when

KrsnaGuruji teaches we are spiritual beings living in a material world. At some moments during my journey, there has been an overwhelming desire to check out, go far off somewhere and not to be involved in the mundane world. But Krsna teaches that being born as I am and where I am are a part of God’s design. Trying to understand what is unfolding in my life, is now the crux of my material life. Certainly, God doesn’t need for me to understand and certainly a faith built of Love and Devotion does not need to be “understood.” Yet, the material worldly life engages my mind and intellect and has to come up with the whys and wherefores. But what about 100% Faith! My KrsnaGuru speaks of living in the moment without worry or concern, knowing whatever God provides will be enough. The challenge is to live in the world and not be of the world. This is where the Grace of my dear Guru is so very crucial to my progress. He points out where I fall short. Even though I don’t think I have dou

KrsnaGuruji teaches me to have single pointed devotion. Krsna expounds the many paths to Him. Whichever way you choose or do not choose to find the Supreme Divine Consciousness is correct. Guruji’s teachings illuminate the Truth that God is as you want Him to be. In the Bhagavad Gita (Ch4 v11), Sri Krsna states, ”...howsoever men seek Me, even so do I respond to them; for all men follow My path in everyway." My many months of trying to meditate on the abstract formless God brought great pain and heartache since I could not see Him. However, just before my first trip to India, I received my first glimpse of the Divine through a photo of my KrsnaGuru. The picture was in jest for some, yet for me, it was profound. Countless times, His image in that photograph has brought me to tears. For me, the beauty of His Divine essence is captured in that image. While visiting India for the second time, I learned the benefit of mediating on a Divine form. My stay was filled with countl

KrsnaGuruji teaches me, letting go of the ego is the way to move ahead. During my childhood, my mother would say of my paternal grandmother, “She acts like she’s not smart, but she is.” Mom looked at this quality as a fault in my grandmother, but it was not until after Nana Helen’s passing that this quality would be appreciated. It was Nana’s grace that she always allowed the person sitting before her to shine. Certainly, she always made me feel that I was very smart and she would listen to me with great interest. She was not deceiving anyone, she was elevating them. She generously shined the spotlight on those sitting with her. Learning to keep your mouth shut, being humble and allowing someone else to shine takes patience, kindness and subordination of one’s ego. Cultivating these qualities is made easier when one knows that all achievements are by God’s Grace. Guruji explains that even in the giving of charity, the greatness is in the benefactor for having been there to rece

KrsnaGuruji teaches me not to accept limits. When the senses encounter an object, the mind begins to register its attributes, the intellect defines it, and then the mind makes judgements about the object. It is a very limited and narrow method of being in the world. There is a story told by Guruji of the frog in a well. The frog only knows the world from his narrow point of view and for him, the whole sky is only as big as the opening above. Likewise, years of self imposed restraints permitted just a narrow understanding of the world around me. Although ingrained in me, those restraints could not preclude the flow of Destiny and Grace that has landed me at the feet of my beloved Guruji. By His word, I know the world is an appearance. By His word, I know “God is.” Throughout my life, I have been dependent on my imagination to understand that which exceeded my intellect, but even the imagination is limited. Unlike material world knowledge, Spiritual knowledge, is innate.