My Spiritual Journey

Krsna teaches: Love and Prayers will carry you forward. Seeking something Greater, has led me to the other side of the earth, but that something has not become visible to me. Maybe I am not meant to peer behind the curtain. Perhaps, it will take more than this lifetime to know. Would it be easier to slip back into the old life? There is comfort in following an ingrained habit, but it doesn’t move me beyond the status quo. How do I find a way forward? A sannyasi is one who renounces their worldly life and material possessions, lives an austere existence without desire or expectation. I am not that. So how shall I live this life? Guru says to find my purpose and do that. Okay, how does one proceed to be in the material world but not attached to it? Bhakti yoga is the yoga of Love and Devotion to God. Is it possible to offer all my doings to God? Can I see God is my husband; God is my children and grandchildren; God is the stranger; God is the good and the bad of this world?

KrsnaKnows teaches me to be a witness of the body. It is difficult to keep tendencies in check. It seems my body has an agenda of its own. I want to be free of its attachments and yet, the stubbornness of my tendencies has anchored me thus far. Tendencies are not just one’s emotions; they lie waiting through out the annamaya kosha (physical sheath), pranamaya kosha (prana sheath), and the manomaya kosha (mind sheath). There is the tendency to speak out, to make judgments, to be lazy, to be competitive, to over indulge in sensuous activity, the list goes on and on. The point is to move oneself from the mode of Tamas guna (laziness), and Rajas guna (passion) to Sattva guna (goodness) and then move past Sattva, too. Tendencies can darken the path and keep one from moving forward. It happened that for two weeks, my emotions and reactions where easily within my control, then a situation arose, and like a storm, my Vasanas (tendencies), fired up. The jailer of my spirit, my body’s

KrsnaKnows teaches me that this journey takes time, "but it will come." In the books about Saints, Sages, their ashrams and temples, time is compressed. Years and years are eloquently contorted into a few hundred of pages. It appears that the devotees, disciples and aspirants are transformed in just a short time. And that is what I want, too. I want the magic wand, tap my head and let me know with certainty, but spirituality is not that. There is nothing I can do to speed this process. It pains me that I cannot experience God. This gift of traveling and staying in India with Krsna is a blessing. This trip has narrowed my questions, but I cannot find solace in the answers. Some days are just harder to bear. In 2016, something happened, but what was that? Intellectually, yes, God is here with me, but I cannot see Him; I cannot feel Him. Pleading from my heart, doesn’t bring a vision of God. Yet, from my reading, it is told that when an aspirant prostrates before God w

Krsna teaches: “Humility is the key word for spiritual growth.” Joining this small group and traveling through South India to learn about the culture, food, temples, Deities, Saints, Sages and religious rituals has been my great pleasure. For all of this I am thankful. My purpose in coming to India was to continue the progression of my spiritual growth at the feet of my Guru, KrsnaKnows. Our travel from Goa was by car and we travelled many miles of rural roads through out South India, ending in the large city of Bangalore. This trip was humbling in so very many ways. Most humbling for me, was the lesson that I am alone. Even when in the company of Holy people, the Oneness that pervades everything is in fact alone. My experience during the temple tours was limited by a language barrier. It prevented me from being an active participant in most conversations and left me sitting quietly while the rest of the group enjoyed a good laugh. Still I tried to be present, but frequentl